In the years since becoming a mom, my mom friends have been my life jacket when I could barely stay afloat. Of course, I love all my friends, parents or not. But I am particularly grateful for mom friends in these early years of motherhood, as we are in the trenches together. They get how overwhelming it all is and they have become my village.
Moms are used to juggling a lot, and they are used to being selfless, so they are the first to find a way to be there for fellow moms when they need it most. My mom friends know exactly what I need because they need it too. Together they saved my sanity when I’ve been at the end of my rope.
To my mom friends,
For Showing Up When I Needed It Most
When I returned to work after my first baby, you helped me navigate pumping schedules and supply dips. You also let me cry to you every day for a month. You helped me through my adjustment back to work and helped me understand what would be different now. Thank you.
When I had my second and third babies, you checked in almost every day. A quick phone call on your way to work, a text during lunch or a call from the pick-up line. You wanted to see how I was handling the adjustment on that particular day because every day is so different. Thank you.
When my baby had colic, you hired a babysitter for me for an entire day, so I could get a much-needed break from constant screaming. That was just the recharge I needed. Thank you.
When I don’t return phone calls, you continue to call. Thank you.
After the birth of my third baby, you had a local restaurant deliver dinner for us. You knew I was struggling to get my family fed each night. Thank you.
When I say no to fun kid-free plans, you understand completely. You know I have to limit time away from the kids because babysitters are expensive! Thank you.
When I said I was fine and didn’t need anything, you heard the truth through my tears. You showed up at my place with dinner for my entire family. You took our colicky baby on a walk so we could enjoy that dinner together without screaming. Thank you.
When my husband is out of town and my babysitter canceled, you canceled our fancy “girls’ dinner” reservation and brought takeout to my house. You played with my kids and helped with bedtime. Thank you.
For Getting Me Through the Newborn Days
When I text you at 3am because my newborn is up for the fifth time, you respond immediately because you just got your toddler back to bed after a nightmare. It is nice to have virtual adult company during a late-night nursing session. Thank you.
You aren’t mad when I bail last minute because I’m too tired. You understand the level of bone-deep exhaustion I am feeling. Thank you.
When I cried to you about how much I’m struggling this third time around, you booked a plane ticket and came to help me out the following week. It was the most selfless thing anyone has ever done for me and it was the lifeline I needed. Thank you.
You had dinner delivered and sent me a spa gift card when my baby was born. You said that moms get ignored and that by the third kid, mom needs a gift more than the new baby. Thank you.
When you travel here to meet my new baby, you jump in and share parenting duties. Thank you.
You don’t judge the fact that my house looks like a tornado came through. Instead, you put away some of the kids’ toys and clothes as you hold my baby and we chat. Thank you.
For Listening Without Judgment
When I cry to you about how hard this has been for me, you don’t try to make me feel better. You don’t tell me all the things I should be happy about and how “blessed” I am to have this healthy family. You know that those tears have been piling up and I need a shoulder to cry on. Thank you.
When I express frustration with my husband, you don’t judge me or him or our marriage. You know how straining multiple young children is on a relationship. You listen and tell me how you often feel the exact same way. Thank you.
I was confident that I was doing well emotionally a few weeks postpartum. You still sent a card with the most loving note to remind me that you are there for me. You anticipated the emotional roller coaster. Knowing I had you for support helped me when I struggled later. Thank you.
When I tell you how my baby still won’t sleep, you don’t assume there is something wrong with my method of sleep training or not sleep training. You understand that every baby is so different. We share a bottle of wine and commiserate over sleep deprivation. Thank you.
When I forget your birthday, you are not offended. You understand how all-consuming it is balancing a new baby with two older ones. You know I love you and that it takes a while for the postpartum brain to function properly again. Thank you.
You always insist on holding my baby, even when she is crying. You know that I could use a break from having a colicky baby in my arms. Thank you.
When I tell you that I’ve fed my older kids mac & cheese almost every day since the baby was born, you tell me that mac & cheese is a great source of protein and manganese. You also tell me how your older kids watched four hours of TV every day for the first year when your third was born. While this may have been an exaggeration, it reminded me that my kids will be fine, and that we all do what we have to in order to survive the early years with multiple kids! Thank you.
You never tell me how lucky I am to have a husband who changes diapers or takes an active role in parenting. That is called “being a parent”. You are just as irritated as me about how little it takes to be considered a great dad and how that same standard is not applied to moms. Thank you.
When I say I’m tired, you don’t suggest a nap. You get that a thousand naps would not be enough. You know that a thousand cups of coffee would not be enough. But you still dropped a cup at my front door on your way to work after a particularly difficult night. Thank you.
You love my kids as if they were your own. Thank you.
When I am struggling with anything related to parenthood (breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, potty training, nap transitions, diastasis recti, new daycare, etc.), you are so supportive. You never trivialize and you never judge. You either offer fantastic advice or a reassuring hug. Thank you.
Why Every Mom Needs a Village
As I’m adapting to this new life with three kids, including a colicky baby, my mom friends have been essential to my survival. When I am drowning, you all see that. You know the questions to ask and you know how to help and you know what to say (and what not to say). I’m in survival mode and not doing my fair share in friendships, but you still continue to show up. It may be a FaceTime while packing lunches or a phone call as you sit in rush hour traffic, but you find a way to check in. Sometimes I just need to know you are there. Even if you haven’t been in the exact situation as me, you see my challenges in a way only a fellow mom could.
You are my life coach and my cheerleader. You have not let geographical distance or your incredibly busy life come in between us. You continue to be a constant, loving and selfless support during a time when I cannot reciprocate that attention and selflessness. You know that it is taking everything I have to stay afloat right now, but that I love you. You have been necessary for my survival. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
